There's a fun thought stream that comes at a time like this...
- "What is that black dot?" *looks closer*
- "Is that black dot... moving??"
- "That better not be a bug ABOVE MY HEAD in my bubble bath meant to relax me..."
- "Oh f*ck that is a bug. Is it a spider? Is it a roach? Crap, either way there's no hope for relaxation tonight. Or ever. What IS that?"
- *slowly gets up hoping it doesn't fall on my head*
- "Stink bug. I freaked out over a stink bug. Cup. I need a cup." (Laugh all you want, I don't kill bugs.)
- *Gets candle holder* "This'll do."
- "Ok come on you little sh*t, get into my candle holder. ....... Thaaat's it, get in there. It smells good, doesn't it, you little prick."
- *Proceeds to discard bug in a fashion I would not like to speak of*
So that happened.
After dealing with the toxic waste-oozing, stomach flu-ridden, not-so-venomous stink bug, I finally relaxed into my much-needed bubble bath. (Totally not jumping at every black spot in my peripheral vision.) Jack Johnson's "Bubbly Toes" was playing softly from my charging phone next to the sink. "Ugh I really need a new case for that..." I thought.
Every relaxing bubble bath I take, I add lavender essential oil, Epsom salt, and I throw in my "Party In The Tub" light. My 5 year old nephew has one but I can promise you it's honestly the best addition to a bath I've ever come across. (Thanks for the stocking stuffer, mom!) The light from this little disk softly and slowly changes colors and since it's in the water with you, it casts the relaxing light across the entire bathroom. It's adds a little extra mood to an already "ahh"-inducing bath.
From my little iPhone 4s speaker, Dave Matthews Band is playing something awesome, as they do, I have a cold glass of rose wine in hand, small tealight candles are lit all around me, lavender fills the air, and I am finally relaxing (honestly, how am I single...).
I love to watch the light from my bath UFO, as I call it, cast the colors on the walls. The patterns changing colors and swirling with the water ... it's mesmerizing. The water was quite still since I wasn't moving much, just enjoying, and because so, the colors were changing right on the wall. For some reason, when I watched it go from red to turquoise and back to red, those particular color changes made me realize something pretty profound... life is always changing. (Ok, so I'm no philosopher...hear me out, y'all.)
You know when you get "a sign"? I'm super into signs from the universe (or [fill in the blank]). This was one for me.
. . . . .
I have had a rough 6 months. In retrospect, I don't know how I didn't revert into my old disordered eating patterns and I'm very proud of myself for not doing so. But nonetheless, it was tough for me. Between a really messy break up with my long-term boyfriend in December/January, having some pretty frustrating health issues (and eating literally only plain quinoa, white rice, banana, and avocado for two weeks), gladly accepting the 6th and final seat on the ACSM Certification Exam Team, graduating from college (finally), and many things in between, it has, needless to say, been an insane 6 months. So I'm allowed some time to relax and breathe occasionally. But for me, I need it more than occasionally.
Because of my health issues, I haven't been able to work out or stick to my normal healthy diet. This caused me to gain about 10 pounds and lose a lot of confidence. After having a morning off to recuperate the other day, I actually had a really kickass day and when we were alone in our office, one of my trainers said "We were really worried about you. You didn't seem happy at all and it's not like you to not be smiling." I didn't realize how stressed out I let myself get. Between job applications, not knowing what to do after graduation, and attempting to juggle school with my health and the glimmer of a social life, I chose to really start focusing on myself again.
After getting somewhat back into my normal routine of exercise, yoga, and healthy dieting, I've wiped away the cobwebs of my turbulent life, and I have seen what is on the other side - sanity.
. . . . .
Through the lavender-scented suds, I looked at my slightly chipped pedicure, wishing I had white nail polish to fix it. Sweat was starting to bead off my forehead, and I had the aftertaste of my cold, crisp wine filling my mouth. I looked up and saw the light from my bath light UFO shifting slowly on the wall and I realized that my life is always changing, much like my bath light. Sometimes it's hard and red and heavy, sometimes it's smooth and soft and blue and beautiful and easy. No matter what, it's always floating and shifting and changing.
We gain weight, we lose weight. We move, we get new jobs. We end bad relationships. We flirt and hope for new relationships. We hurt. We grow from bad experiences. We love. We feel deep gratitude and then turn around and hate. We want. We have meaningless sex. We expect everything from the world and then want nothing to do with the world. We live. We breathe. We survive.
We're human, guys.
We. Are. Human.
Sitting in my big fluffy arm chair with my laptop appropriately on my lap, I can see outside beyond my patio to the mountainside that is literally 3 feet from the curb of our parking lot. I can't quite see west beyond the wall but I know that just behind those 6 inches lies a lucky and breathtaking view of the Blue Ridge Mountains. I've really grown to love this place. The more I think about it, the more I will miss Asheville and its people and quirky atmosphere. But who knows what will bring me back to this place. After I walk across the UNC Asheville stage in 35 days, my belongings will reside in a little climate-controlled storage unit up here while I'm in Florida getting my health and fitness back on track...and waiting on a job offer. The next time I'll see my stuff after that garage-like door is closed and pad-locked, I'll be collecting it to move to my next adventure in life. My next city. My future friends, future trials and triumphs.
I'm so excited and so terrified.
In August 2013, I never dreamed that this is what I would be doing nearly 2 years later. Picking up the pieces from a terribly messy breakup we both were (naively) sure would end in marriage instead of heartbreak, sitting alone in my beautiful, serene, "Oh Erin, this is SO you" apartment, drinking wine, listening to rain starting to softly pad the pavement outside, dreaming about what my life will be like in just two months . . . and knowing, just knowing that everything will fall into place.
Life is always changing and subsequently so are we. Sometimes our life throws us a curve ball and we have to swallow our pride, stand up dripping wet, butt naked, and catch the damn stinkbug looming ominously over our heads in order for us to fully relax. Vulnerability can sometimes show us the strength we have within, especially when caught off-guard. One of my favorite things to remind other of is to smile when you least want to because that is when you discover your true strength. You are infinitely stronger than you imagine.
So as I sit here, finishing off that same glass of wine in my favorite pink wine glass hand-painted with "all things grow in love", I look forward to a day trip tomorrow and my first visit to IKEA with one of my favorite friends, and decorating my graduation cap next weekend some of my favorite girls, I'm reminiscing on a crazy, turbulent, fun, sad, heart-wrenching, adventurous, lovely, opportunistic two years in this little mountain city I've called home.
All because of a children's toy that makes a bubble bath a "party" and paints my walls with magnificent colors.
A message to all the "age-appropriate" users of that bath toy out there...
Kid, L I F E is the party.
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